How to send sex messages | Mashable

Sexting can be very fun and hot if done right. Sadly, this act can also be an unusual minefield. Thoughts may cross your mind, such as: Is now a good time to have sex? What should I do? say?

To answer these questions, we asked sex experts. As it turns out, sexting (like sex itself) is an opportunity to let loose, explore what you want in bed, and get to know your partner better.

How to send sex

Sexting can benefit you and your budding relationship (or hookup, however you define it).

By sharing your desires and boundaries together, you build a deeper connection. Texting feels inferior to talking in person, especially if your relationship is new. So, it’s a great option if you’re shy about sex and have a hard time expressing what you want, says Casey Tanner, a certified sex therapist and sex toy specialist. TODAY.

Make no mistake, though: Sexting is legal communication, even if screens are used.

Sending hurtful messages back and forth can be a form of foreplay. It can build suspense and anticipation when you see each other in person next, even if that won’t happen soon.

How to ask for permission while sending sex messages

Before anything else, get permission – both for sexting in general and for individual sessions.

Ask yourself if you trust your partner enough to send sex, advises Edwina Caito, head writer of the sex/sex toy blog The BedBible. Decide if you are comfortable with the job in the first place.

If you say yes, Tanner offered some self-examination questions: Is your style provocative, insulting, or instructive? Are you ready? posting nudityand if so, what body parts do you want to photograph?

Have discussions about these parameters before you jump headfirst into a digital framework. Set ground rules, says Caito, whether it’s related to timing – like, don’t post nudes before 6pm when someone’s at work – or about what kind of media and messages you will and won’t send.

You can even limit which messaging services you prefer to use to send a sext. Apps like Snapchat and Signal have features like disappearing chats, and the former sends a notification when someone captures your messages. Or, turn it on Disappear mode for Instagram with the same characteristics.

As sex educator Jamie J. LeClaire wrote the sex shop Unbound’s blogset expectations for the language used in sexting texts, too. If you’re uncomfortable with certain words – say genitals – tell your partner, and encourage them to share any words they don’t like.

In addition, a one-time permit does not always extend. Always make sure it’s OK to post a naughty text or picture before doing it. Tip from It is not tied down has a go emoji that acts as a way to ask, “Is now a good time to get smut?”

And never, ever share messages or other media your partner sends you (unless they ask you to, that is).

How to start posting sex chats

Tanner advised keeping your messages to the point when you’re just starting out. “Keeping messages on the short side gives you a chance to break free and be something new,” she said. “You also give yourself more space to reflect between texts about what feels good and where your boundaries are.”

Your first message can be sweet as it piques your partner’s interest and makes him think (about you, or your past experiences).

A few examples Caito gave to get things going are:

Another option is to ask your partner questions, such as:

These texts are suggestive enough to gauge how your partner is feeling at that moment and get the conversation going. Feel free to be direct if that’s your style. You can let your man know that, saying you just got out of the shower without putting anything on. There is also the classic, “What are you wearing?”

Tips for good sexting

Now that you are engaging in textual coitus, where do you go from here?

Be as specific as you want to be. You don’t even have to refer to actual body parts if you don’t want to, out loud or not. “I’m so wet” has the same effect as literally describing the state of your crotch, for example.

Caroline Spiegel, founder of the audio sex site Quinnsuggests making your sexy messages the essence by telling your partner how you feel about them, what you want to do with them, and what you believe are their hot features.

You can ask your partner to share their dreams with you, but don’t feel pressured to reveal everything about your sexuality at once, says Tanner. Texting your partner that “they’ll just have to wait and see” can be just as exciting as expressing your desires.

To do that, you don’t need to talk about activities you don’t want to do. Instead, steer the conversation back to what makes you go, says Caito.

Compliment your partner, says Spiegel, to show that you really care. Some examples he mentioned are:

Another tip of Spiegel’s is to use your partner’s real name as opposed to a pet name. “You’d be surprised how hot it is to be called by your real name,” she said.

How to send sexy voice notes and videos

Texts are great, but you can also combine different mediums to create a mixed media experience.

With iMessage and WhatsApp, for example, you can send sexy voice notes. “I hear all the time from women how they wish their boyfriends or significant others would send audio notes or videos instead of pictures of Dick,” says Spiegel.

Hearing your partner’s voice can be encouraging (“such a hot picture”). Cursing can also go a long way.

You can send photos and videos as well, or move them to FaceTime when texting it is not enough. And, of course, GIFs and emojis are easy choices if words can’t convey what you want.

Caito also suggested an app-controlled sex toy that your partner can use while you’re away…but it’s a toss-up whether they’ll work. As former Mashable reporter Jess Joho found out, Bluetooth sex toys it may have more connection problems than it should.

Just like physical sex, it may take some time to get into the zone of sexting with your partner, and that’s okay. The more you communicate your desires, whether verbally or in writing, the easier it will be.

Texting can be a place to explore dreams and create creativity, Tanner says — all from the comfort of your fingertips.

This article was first published in 2021 and republished in 2026.